- - C.S. Lewis

"Aim at Heaven and you get Earth thrown in, aim at Earth and you get neither."

Riptide Rush

So while visting with my sister to see my new nephew Dennis, the topic of baptism came up. Jokingly at first I said "Don't baptise him, let him choose his religion for himself!" my sister replied "I wont force him to stay catholic, but for now this is how i want him raised, if he wants to change his mind later in life thats up to him." But then I began thinking.... My parents have raised me so well in the catholic faith, for me to "change" now would be extremly difficult and stressful. When your parents people you love and trust tell you something for so long how are you suppose to go against that? I believe them, and i value thiere beliefs on many things. Now as a learn abotu other religions there are so many more out there that make sense to me, but for me to doubt my original beliefs is somehting i can't do i feel guilty. I am cathoic, and i believe in what the catholic church teaches... i dont always agree with the way the church interprets and does everything, but im sure that will be that same with any religion. Everyone will interpret things differently. Is it better to be raised in a faith or not? I guess at least I believe in something.

The Means Justify The Ends

Well I just had a rather comfortable conversation with my parents that under any other circumstances would probably be the most akward things to talk about with your family. It started with an article in Time about science and religion, and eventually led to sexuality. Honestly i forget that I'm gay, when I see gay ppl in school i like ew that person is gay, and i never realize that that applies to myself either. Or sometimes ill watch a play and the romantic lead is falling onlove with a woman, but you know his gay, and im like you can give that part to a gay person!!, but then i think oh wiat thats me also..... i feel like in the past few months ive become more gayer... more of myself, but myslef isnt someone i really wanna be, and it kinda sucks to not wanna be who you are.
In other news, religion needs to be tweeked as environments, communities and technology changes. Also, if we never gave women rights i think the society would be less currupted ("currupted") but then women wouldnt have rights?... you can never draw a line Sometimes people know they are going to die, and still except it because it needs to happen, sometimes people dont have that choice (embriotic stem cell research)... does that stil qualify as the same thing?

This Kiss

So, I may wind up revealing somehting people probably didnt know about me here but here it goes..... Im kissing the wrong people, when i kiss a person i want them to be happy, and smile. I dont want a look of o0o0 ur a whore and this is leading to a sensual evening. Im tired of this, I want one more relationship before highschool it over, i want to see what ive learned and how ive changed. When I was going out with Rob, kissing him was like the most amazing thing ever. Since then ive just been thinking all the people i make out with are terrible kissers, or mabye ive lost somehting. But its the who i kiss! Im kissing people not looking to be happy, im not kissing them because i want to emotionally, but because i want to physically. Im over this, i dont wanna have this lifestyle anymore, i want something real. i dont wanna be seen as a slut. Last year I kissed someone, and I didnt think i liked him but i was juts like wow this was the best kiss ever! I couldnt get over it, and now i realize why, The kiss makes me happy! Kissing him makes me smile, not look at him in a lusting fashion. and vis versa. I didnt really describe everythign i had intented on saying, but i feel better than when i started writing this post.